How much socializing should a pastor do? A recent article in “Newsweek” got me thinking about this. It seems the lack of socializing in Washington keeps the political stalwarts from getting things done. Or as the headline reads, “Just because Michelle wears McQueen doesn't mean Washington is having any fun.”
I’ll admit it. I’m not a big socializer. Sometimes I think I’d make a better monk than pastor. I feel awkward in a large crowd chatting with a bunch of people I don’t know very well. I freeze up with small talk. Watch me preach with little-to-no notes and you’d think I’d be comfortable working a crowd. But I’m not. I recently read a book on the “art of mingling.” It would have been helpful had I memorized the A to Z list of topics to shoot the breeze with people. But I didn’t.
Of course I rationalize this with my busy schedule. I’m swamped running a capital campaign and being a first-time dad. I don’t have much time for socializing. The whole idea brings to mind the social network’s swiftness. Maybe I could just socialize on Facebook? Hit “Like,” and I’m done. Or not?
Neither the Bible nor my church tradition provides much advice on socializing. I’ve written elsewhere about how Asbury built deep trusting relationships in small groups that benefited him greatly when it came time to influence large group decisions, but I doubt Asbury would have called this “socializing.” I suspect John Wesley would warn us about trifling our time away, probably in a sermon titled “On the dangers of socializing,” but I wonder if that’s not what he was doing as he would ride alongside someone on his horse from one preaching engagement to the next. Perhaps the same was true for Jesus as he and his disciples walked from one town to the next.
I do have regular one-on-one meetings with staff and key leaders. I come prepared to be “efficient” with our time. I bring a list of things we need to talk about.
When a staff member and I get together each week to plan for worship, we socialize over coffee for fifteen or twenty minutes before we dive in to “the list.” Sure, we talk about college basketball, but that’s not all. We quickly get to meatier things. He’s interested in the “how-is-it-with-your-soul” kinds of questions. I find myself wanting to talk about how it’s going as a new dad. He happens to be a new dad, too. We neglect our task list to “socialize” about more meaningful things.
I think we do a kind of deep socializing over coffee. We put off efficiency in order to connect. Here’s the amazing part -- our “working” relationship is probably one of the most “social” I have. And the most effective and creative.
Does socializing lead to better, more lively and life-giving ministry? If so, what does that mean for wallflower pastors and denominational leaders? Can introverts lead, too?
Tom Arthur is pastor of Sycamore Creek United Methodist Church in Lansing, Michigan.
